Three years ago I left my student teaching days behind with starry eyes and a heart full of hope and promise for my teaching career to come. The LORD was gracious enough to give me a full time teaching position in a little town in Southeastern Missouri where I could pour knowledge into the minds of smart-mouthed sixth graders. This is where I grew to love the real world of teaching--this real world involved getting into the messy details of a child's life who very well may have never had anyone show (which is very different from tell) that they loved them and wanted the best for them...EVER. I admit I was completely naive when I walked into the classroom that very first day. I can just imagine what an idiot I must have seemed to my colleagues and even some of my students. I had absolutely no idea what some of my then twelve year-olds (seriously just twelve.years.old) had to deal with each and every day. I came face-to-face with that harsh reality the first time I had a student come to school smelling like they had spent the night in urine. And that other time when I had a student who had been homeless for the past week. I just..I just...I just. I just hadn't had enough life experiences to understand what some kids were facing. It really was a "baptism by fire" experience for me. It wasn't until the end of that full first year of teaching that I felt like I really had a grasp on just what my kiddos were dealing with in their short little life spans. It was also around this time that I knew for me to continue in this calling (because yes, that is what it is) that I would need endless amounts of grace. I had to pray that the LORD would give me grace. Overflowing, unimaginable GRACE that could not come from myself. Grace for my kids. All of them. And the LORD provided. He had actually already provided for me by giving me a husband who would listen to my complaints and my cries, but instead of indulging in them with me, would lead me back to the cross. The only place where I can find the true meaning a grace: UNMERITED favor; a kindness that we do not earn or deserve.
But it is here that I have to admit that in this fourth year of teaching I am tired. I am worn. I am raw. But it is no longer the kids that I need grace for. After two years of sixth grade, I got the privilege of moving to fourth. Oh my little fourth graders. Still young enough to love learning with few inhibitions, but old enough to tie their shoes and blow their noses (most of them). I have absolutely loved it. Each day there is a moment where I look around my room and just smile because I am having fun. FUN, PEOPLE. FUN AT WORK. But with the fun has come some increasingly harder pills to swallow. These kids, these babies, are at the complete mercy of their parents. And not just for the physical needs, but for the discipline needs, the redirection needs, the "being held accountable for your actions" needs. I see kids who desperately need a parent in their life to set boundaries and to correct them when they are wrong. And it has to be done NOW because it will become so much harder to correct as they move past elementary school.
Now let me take a moment to answer a question that I have been asked about sixteen-too-many times: NO. I AM NOT A PARENT MYSELF. I have ZERO children. As in I have never birthed, fostered, adopted, or raised a child before IN MY LIFE. I have however had a total of 325 little people in my care for 8 hours a day, approximately 180 days a year. And NO. This is absolutely NOT the same as being a full-time parent. Never will be. But that is why I do not speak as a parent, but as a teacher. An educator. A professional (one who does have a lot more learning to do herself). I see child after child, year after year, go through my classroom, and during the time I have with them I can see through a window into their lives by their behavior and their effort and their attitude. Hear me now: I WANT YOUR CHILD TO BE SUCCESSFUL. No one teacher goes into the school day wondering "Hmmm...I wonder which student I can get onto today so they won't be successful." NOT ONE. In fact, many of us, I dare to say, spend our commutes to school praying for specific students and specific situations that involve them.
With that said, I will make my final point: They (your little people) need YOU. I can promise to try my hardest so your kids can have the very best of me every second of every school day (and I will fail at times, it's true). But, even the best that I can do will never compare to what YOU can do. Just by loving them enough to discipline them. To be honest with them about their sinful nature. I am so fearful of what our kids will become with generations of parents who skirt this particular responsibility. Yes, PLEASE stand up for them when appropriate. Worry about them (after all, isn't this what really makes a parent a parent?) But please also don't forget to rebuke and correct them. And when I call you after a particularly hard day disciplining your child at school, please don't explain to me how you don't appreciate me "criticizing your child's character." Or give me a lecture about how I shouldn't tell your child that he or she is in more trouble for lying to me because "you don't like how negative the word lying is." They need YOU to see them for who they truly are, but not to leave it there...see who they CAN BE through your loving guidance and correction. Make each behavior moment a teachable moment! Because YOU are the number one teacher in their life, and before you even realize time went by, your child will "know everything there is to know about everything," so you better capitalize on these young years. Seriously.
So here I am. In about a month I will begin sifting through districts to apply for (as my husband and I are moving at the end of the school year -- he got a new job!!). It is the end of October and I am not quite sure what to do. Does my time in the classroom need to hit the pause button? Do I need to step back and receive some new perspective? Am I really right (cut-out) for teaching?
To be continued...
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