Three years ago I left my student teaching days behind with starry eyes and a heart full of hope and promise for my teaching career to come. The LORD was gracious enough to give me a full time teaching position in a little town in Southeastern Missouri where I could pour knowledge into the minds of smart-mouthed sixth graders. This is where I grew to love the real world of teaching--this real world involved getting into the messy details of a child's life who very well may have never had anyone show (which is very different from tell) that they loved them and wanted the best for them...EVER. I admit I was completely naive when I walked into the classroom that very first day. I can just imagine what an idiot I must have seemed to my colleagues and even some of my students. I had absolutely no idea what some of my then twelve year-olds (seriously just twelve.years.old) had to deal with each and every day. I came face-to-face with that harsh reality the first time I had a student come to school smelling like they had spent the night in urine. And that other time when I had a student who had been homeless for the past week. I just..I just...I just. I just hadn't had enough life experiences to understand what some kids were facing. It really was a "baptism by fire" experience for me. It wasn't until the end of that full first year of teaching that I felt like I really had a grasp on just what my kiddos were dealing with in their short little life spans. It was also around this time that I knew for me to continue in this calling (because yes, that is what it is) that I would need endless amounts of grace. I had to pray that the LORD would give me grace. Overflowing, unimaginable GRACE that could not come from myself. Grace for my kids. All of them. And the LORD provided. He had actually already provided for me by giving me a husband who would listen to my complaints and my cries, but instead of indulging in them with me, would lead me back to the cross. The only place where I can find the true meaning a grace: UNMERITED favor; a kindness that we do not earn or deserve.
But it is here that I have to admit that in this fourth year of teaching I am tired. I am worn. I am raw. But it is no longer the kids that I need grace for. After two years of sixth grade, I got the privilege of moving to fourth. Oh my little fourth graders. Still young enough to love learning with few inhibitions, but old enough to tie their shoes and blow their noses (most of them). I have absolutely loved it. Each day there is a moment where I look around my room and just smile because I am having fun. FUN, PEOPLE. FUN AT WORK. But with the fun has come some increasingly harder pills to swallow. These kids, these babies, are at the complete mercy of their parents. And not just for the physical needs, but for the discipline needs, the redirection needs, the "being held accountable for your actions" needs. I see kids who desperately need a parent in their life to set boundaries and to correct them when they are wrong. And it has to be done NOW because it will become so much harder to correct as they move past elementary school.
Now let me take a moment to answer a question that I have been asked about sixteen-too-many times: NO. I AM NOT A PARENT MYSELF. I have ZERO children. As in I have never birthed, fostered, adopted, or raised a child before IN MY LIFE. I have however had a total of 325 little people in my care for 8 hours a day, approximately 180 days a year. And NO. This is absolutely NOT the same as being a full-time parent. Never will be. But that is why I do not speak as a parent, but as a teacher. An educator. A professional (one who does have a lot more learning to do herself). I see child after child, year after year, go through my classroom, and during the time I have with them I can see through a window into their lives by their behavior and their effort and their attitude. Hear me now: I WANT YOUR CHILD TO BE SUCCESSFUL. No one teacher goes into the school day wondering "Hmmm...I wonder which student I can get onto today so they won't be successful." NOT ONE. In fact, many of us, I dare to say, spend our commutes to school praying for specific students and specific situations that involve them.
With that said, I will make my final point: They (your little people) need YOU. I can promise to try my hardest so your kids can have the very best of me every second of every school day (and I will fail at times, it's true). But, even the best that I can do will never compare to what YOU can do. Just by loving them enough to discipline them. To be honest with them about their sinful nature. I am so fearful of what our kids will become with generations of parents who skirt this particular responsibility. Yes, PLEASE stand up for them when appropriate. Worry about them (after all, isn't this what really makes a parent a parent?) But please also don't forget to rebuke and correct them. And when I call you after a particularly hard day disciplining your child at school, please don't explain to me how you don't appreciate me "criticizing your child's character." Or give me a lecture about how I shouldn't tell your child that he or she is in more trouble for lying to me because "you don't like how negative the word lying is." They need YOU to see them for who they truly are, but not to leave it there...see who they CAN BE through your loving guidance and correction. Make each behavior moment a teachable moment! Because YOU are the number one teacher in their life, and before you even realize time went by, your child will "know everything there is to know about everything," so you better capitalize on these young years. Seriously.
So here I am. In about a month I will begin sifting through districts to apply for (as my husband and I are moving at the end of the school year -- he got a new job!!). It is the end of October and I am not quite sure what to do. Does my time in the classroom need to hit the pause button? Do I need to step back and receive some new perspective? Am I really right (cut-out) for teaching?
To be continued...
named beloved
The blog of a new wife, teacher, daughter, friend, and adopted child of a King.
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Saturday, March 17, 2012
"Gandhi Ate More Than This"
Is it just me or does everyone find the food fight scene from the movie Hook to be on their mind constantly when trying to watch what they eat? *Laughs*....but seriously. I have not been able to get it out of my brain since last weekend. It floats around all day, and especially around lunch and dinner time.
In other news, it has been one week since I started this weight watchin' road. And I am here to say that in the past 7 days, I have lost a total of 8 pounds. That's right. Eight pounds in one week. Now, I know this rate may die down as I lose more and more...but I think this just shows how poorly I was treating my body before.
I would like to thank those who have written comments, texts, and messages or have called me with encouragement. It really has meant a lot to know that there are other people in my life who struggle with having a healthy view of eating and exercising.
Just from this week, I have learned that this is just more habit-building and stretching of my diligence. Much like staying diligent in reading my Bible and praying. And Josh is a big part of what has made me successful this week. He has helped me make choices and has even told me no (i.e. as he just left for the store and I asked if he could pleeeaasseee buy a giant Oreo cookie cake--a fav of mine. I was joking. Kind of).
Since we are resorting it up in Mexico this summer, I would like to loose 20 pounds by then. I mean...at this rate, I can definitely get there! I can't wait to see what losses this week brings!
In other news, it has been one week since I started this weight watchin' road. And I am here to say that in the past 7 days, I have lost a total of 8 pounds. That's right. Eight pounds in one week. Now, I know this rate may die down as I lose more and more...but I think this just shows how poorly I was treating my body before.
I would like to thank those who have written comments, texts, and messages or have called me with encouragement. It really has meant a lot to know that there are other people in my life who struggle with having a healthy view of eating and exercising.
Just from this week, I have learned that this is just more habit-building and stretching of my diligence. Much like staying diligent in reading my Bible and praying. And Josh is a big part of what has made me successful this week. He has helped me make choices and has even told me no (i.e. as he just left for the store and I asked if he could pleeeaasseee buy a giant Oreo cookie cake--a fav of mine. I was joking. Kind of).
Since we are resorting it up in Mexico this summer, I would like to loose 20 pounds by then. I mean...at this rate, I can definitely get there! I can't wait to see what losses this week brings!
Needless to say, Pinterest has a lot of truth.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Gained What?!
Okay. I going to level with ya--my, maybe, three followers. *Laughs*
I went to the doctor this past week and learned that I have gained some 30 pounds in the past year. (My doctor calls it happy marriage syndrome...and...well....I'm sorry, this does NOT make me happy).
Now, I knew over the summer I had been pretty bad...eating whenever and whatever I wanted (because I had worked so hard all year, right?) So, I knew the number would be a little higher than it was last year. But I'm sorry, excuse me, WHAT THE....WHAT?! I only went up one size over this past year...WHERE IS THIS WEIGHT ON MY BODY?!
Not acceptable.
On my way home, I felt overwhelmed and terribly discouraged. And guess what I wanted to do? Get something to eat. Something to take my mind off of the sadness and disappointment in myself. Being married to a man who actually looses weight without trying and who would have to eat every minute of the day to gain anything, it seemed impossible to reverse, impossible to fix.
After my wallowing, I had to be a grown up. I had to figure out a way to change my eating -- a way to change my life, to be quite honest. Decisions have to happen. Now. As I cried out to God, I realized that this is just another issue of surrender.
So. After talking (ashamedly) to Josh about my visit, I signed up for Weight Watchers the very next day. I have heard many good things about the program...and to be completely honest, I need a tool to guide me through this. It would be stupid to think I can do this on my own. The past few days have been difficult, but revolutionary. Now, I can know the impact something I eat will have on my progress. All I have to do is type it into the Weight Watchers app on my phone and viola! It's 15 points, so no go OR it's only 1 point, so go for it!
On another positive note, my perfectionist nature really lends itself to staying within my daily points and if I go over, I know this same nature will bring me great disappointment.
Now food is flying out of my cabinets. I want nothing white--no white pasta, no white bread--and nothing that is not low in fat. Josh was then sent on a mission to buy everything whole grain, everything fruit, everything vegetable. For lunches, I had him buy Lean Cuisine (at most one of these meals is 10 points), and I have been pinning Weight Watchers recipes like crazy on Pinterest.
I have also reverted back to my college ways, and am 30-Day-Shredding-it with the help of Jillian Michaels (paired with the swimming).
So. This is day one of keeping a log of my progress. And I need the accountability.
Yeah, Beth.
I went to the doctor this past week and learned that I have gained some 30 pounds in the past year. (My doctor calls it happy marriage syndrome...and...well....I'm sorry, this does NOT make me happy).
Now, I knew over the summer I had been pretty bad...eating whenever and whatever I wanted (because I had worked so hard all year, right?) So, I knew the number would be a little higher than it was last year. But I'm sorry, excuse me, WHAT THE....WHAT?! I only went up one size over this past year...WHERE IS THIS WEIGHT ON MY BODY?!
Not acceptable.
On my way home, I felt overwhelmed and terribly discouraged. And guess what I wanted to do? Get something to eat. Something to take my mind off of the sadness and disappointment in myself. Being married to a man who actually looses weight without trying and who would have to eat every minute of the day to gain anything, it seemed impossible to reverse, impossible to fix.
After my wallowing, I had to be a grown up. I had to figure out a way to change my eating -- a way to change my life, to be quite honest. Decisions have to happen. Now. As I cried out to God, I realized that this is just another issue of surrender.
So. After talking (ashamedly) to Josh about my visit, I signed up for Weight Watchers the very next day. I have heard many good things about the program...and to be completely honest, I need a tool to guide me through this. It would be stupid to think I can do this on my own. The past few days have been difficult, but revolutionary. Now, I can know the impact something I eat will have on my progress. All I have to do is type it into the Weight Watchers app on my phone and viola! It's 15 points, so no go OR it's only 1 point, so go for it!
On another positive note, my perfectionist nature really lends itself to staying within my daily points and if I go over, I know this same nature will bring me great disappointment.
Now food is flying out of my cabinets. I want nothing white--no white pasta, no white bread--and nothing that is not low in fat. Josh was then sent on a mission to buy everything whole grain, everything fruit, everything vegetable. For lunches, I had him buy Lean Cuisine (at most one of these meals is 10 points), and I have been pinning Weight Watchers recipes like crazy on Pinterest.
I have also reverted back to my college ways, and am 30-Day-Shredding-it with the help of Jillian Michaels (paired with the swimming).
So. This is day one of keeping a log of my progress. And I need the accountability.
Yeah, Beth.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Workless Monday
It's been a while since my last post. Not for a lack of interesting things to blog about, as much as a lack of time to blog about said interesting things. And instead of playing catch-up, let's just dive right in to today.
To celebrate our many Presidents, I have devoted the day to Netflix-ing Grey's Anatomy (which is giving me a dream to be a surgeon...even though I can't stand the thought of working inside someone's body), grading compare & contrast writings, doing laundry, and cooking.
Dinner is coming from a recipe I found on Pinterest via Kalyn's Kitchen: Baked Pesto Chicken.
To celebrate our many Presidents, I have devoted the day to Netflix-ing Grey's Anatomy (which is giving me a dream to be a surgeon...even though I can't stand the thought of working inside someone's body), grading compare & contrast writings, doing laundry, and cooking.
Dinner is coming from a recipe I found on Pinterest via Kalyn's Kitchen: Baked Pesto Chicken.
Baked Pesto Chicken:
- 4 (I used 3 since I am only cooking for 2) boneless, skinless chicken breasts
- Salt & fresh ground black pepper
- 1/2 c Basil Pesto
- 2 oz. (1/2 c) grated low-fat mozzarella cheese
Make It!
- Preheat oven to 375F.
- Trim all visible fat off of chicken, then cut chicken breast lengthwise into 2-3 pieces.
- Spray a 9" x 12" baking dish with non-stick spray, then spread 1/4 c of pesto over the bottom of the dish. Lay chicken strips on top of pesto, and spread the other 1/4c pesto on top of chicken
- Cover dish with aluminum foil and bake 25-30 minutes.
- Remove foil and sprinkle mozzarella cheese on top of chicken. Put back in oven and cook for an additional 5 minutes.
- After cheese has melted, put under broiler for 5 minutes, just until cheese is lightly browned.
On a totally separate note, I would like to call to attention just how much the Lord has taken care of us this yet again. In January, we were able to entirely pay off one of our (Josh's) student loans. This was able to be done by a generous gift given to us at Christmas...and made the payment of this loan take only a year exactly.
Just this past weekend, we were also given a Mac Pro by my wonderful father. What perfect timing, as the main computer we used has died inevitably (due to it not being able to charge anymore). Not only was this need fulfilled, we are now able to use a computer we would NEVER have paid for on our own.
And finally, Josh and I have been able to attend a class at our church that is going through Read the Bible for Life.
Going through the workbook (at a steady pace or all at once, has given us accountability for being in the Word daily, the ability to discuss how to more effectively understand the Bible with our church family, and has given an increased joy for being readers and doers of God's word, The series goes week-by-week, with each week focusing on reading the parts of scripture well, like the Psalms, the prophets, Jesus's teachings, the letters of Paul, etc, while at the same time teaching how to read those parts to understand the GRAND story.
If you are a believer who wants to learn how to better read and understand the Bible, I would recommend it!
Happy Day for Presidents!
Friday, November 4, 2011
Yums in the Classroom & the Kitchen!
Say "synonym rolls" five times fast.
Impossible, right? Okay.. maybe not impossible, but rather difficult. I made you do that for a reason.. read on! Read on!
While grading the last benchmark, I realized that my students struggled identifying synonyms in context. Yikes! I had a few ideas brewing in my head, but thanks to this delightful pin... my plans changed!
Luckily, fall is the perfect time to whip up a fresh batch of Synonym Rolls. It was the perfect attention-getter and way to spend time reviewing synonyms and using a beloved thesaurus.
As a class, we defined synonyms in our vocabulary notebooks. Then, we took the "boring word"said and thought of OTHER ways to say said. After creating quite the list, I introduced the rolls. Their assignment was to write the main/boring/overused word in the middle of the roll. Then, along the spirally goodness write words with similar meanings.
It was a great way for me to meet with small groups and talk about using a thesaurus and what synonyms really are.
For example: We picked the boring word "mean" for one roll. One student said, "Well, my sister is mean.. so can I add sister to my roll?" This sparked another discussion about what synonyms are and what they are not.
And since it seems I'm only thinking about the sweet treats department, I have to include one of the recipes I'm preparing for my upcoming small group meeting (at out little apartment for the first time!)
The Picky Apple is a brilliant blogger who posted a recipe for Pumpkin Crunch Cake. Since there are only a few ingredients in this dish... let's cross our fingers I don't mess this one up. (Also...I will make a different desert for Josh as the pecans will kill him)
It's past 9:00!? How am I even awake? It's bedtime. Plus, I've begun to italicize one too many things in this post. Time to depart. Enjoy the weekend!
Friday, September 23, 2011
The Brain
So much on my mind! Scientific method, the 8 characteristics of all living things, showing Christ better to my kiddos who may know nothing of Him, benchmarks, personal narratives, getting a phone that allows me to make calls, new episode of The Office on hulu, creating an FCA sign up letter (yeah, I am going to get an FCA going!), types of sentences, talking to the Apple store people tomorrow and NOT telling them I dropped my phone in a pool this summer ... obviously my priorities right now are blogging, watching Modern Family, and crafting.
Soon, my weekend will consist of more procrastinating and pinteresting! <--that reminds me...I have to fit in alliteration before I test next week. EEK.
Until then, remember this!
Soon, my weekend will consist of more procrastinating and pinteresting! <--that reminds me...I have to fit in alliteration before I test next week. EEK.
Until then, remember this!
Monday, September 19, 2011
Sunday Funday
I vote we add one extra day in the weekend. We can call it "schmatterday". Then, I will have enough time to lay around and be productive.
As of yesterday, my jewelry storage changed. I have always been a "hang the necklaces from the vanity, and have bowls of earrings and bracelets" kind of girl. Until we got this furry thing called a kitten. She doesn't seem to care about the amount of money whatever she is batting around cost. Nor does she care when my favorite pair of earring studs gets sucked up by the vacuum. So I had to do something. And that something needed to be crafty.
First, I went to Pinterest...the place where all good ideas begin. That is where I found this idea:
So I took a little trip to my local Wally World. My shopping list included the following:
3 bamboo cutlery trays
1 can primer spray paint
2 cans of spray paint
1 box of rubber coated hooks
....and...drill bits. Because we bought a power drill a while back without drill bits :)
First, I primed each tray with white primer since the bamboo was a brown color. Then I painted with the lovely jade color. It took about 3 coats to get it just right.
Sorry the pictures look a little cramped..it isn't exactly spacious in my little walk-in. Yes, I had to hang the trays-turned-jewelry cases in my closet. This is also an attempt to keep the cat AWAY from the necklaces.
Just installed some hooks along the bottom to make room for the long ones.
Problem solved? Hopefully.... :)
As of yesterday, my jewelry storage changed. I have always been a "hang the necklaces from the vanity, and have bowls of earrings and bracelets" kind of girl. Until we got this furry thing called a kitten. She doesn't seem to care about the amount of money whatever she is batting around cost. Nor does she care when my favorite pair of earring studs gets sucked up by the vacuum. So I had to do something. And that something needed to be crafty.
First, I went to Pinterest...the place where all good ideas begin. That is where I found this idea:
3 bamboo cutlery trays
1 can primer spray paint
2 cans of spray paint
1 box of rubber coated hooks
....and...drill bits. Because we bought a power drill a while back without drill bits :)
First, I primed each tray with white primer since the bamboo was a brown color. Then I painted with the lovely jade color. It took about 3 coats to get it just right.
Then I laid out all my jewelry to choose places for all of it to hang and put in the hooks. Lesson learned: drill pilot holes FIRST. Then screw in hooks :) Much easier on the wood.
And then to the hanging...I REALLY wanted to hang them in a straight line down the wall (like the example picture). Unfortunately, for the bottom one to not allow the necklaces to touch the ground, the top tray would have to be out of my reach :( (Really genetics? Thanks alot.) So, my husband helped me come up with the alternative.
Just installed some hooks along the bottom to make room for the long ones.
Problem solved? Hopefully.... :)
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