I cannot believe that Josh and I will be married a year this Saturday! It disappeared from me! That 'newlywed' thing is now over...right? Maybe not to those who have been married ten, twenty, thirty, or forty years, who probably grin and say, "Oh, you have just begun!" I must say, it certainly doesn't l feel like it is over. And to be honest, I pray it never does feel that way. I fully intend to hold onto this 'newlywed' feeling for as long as possible :)Not going to lie...God's grace was necessary, essential to living this year {much like every year, except this one was just a little different}. In fact, it seemed like any moment we had the thought, "Hey...I got this marriage thing down. I'm all good!" we were reminded just how much we needed Him. Once we thought we could do it on our own, there He was reminding us that apart from Him, we could do NOTHING.
And this thought makes me wonder, really wonder, how anyone can do marriage without Him. How?? How do they sacrifice and forgive? Without Christ as my example, I would be totally lost (and to be brutally honest, even WITH Him as my example, many times I am lost). And believe it or not, I have been asked by several people how I KNOW my marriage will last. A totally honest, raw question. The first time I was asked it {"But Beth, how do you know you will be with him the rest of your life? How do you know you won't fall out of love?"}, I stumbled over my words. Then I really thought about it. How do I know. How do I know??
Because Christ will never leave His church. There may be times of painful distance and tragic backsliding on our part, but He will never leave His wife. He will never just get too frustrated with His church, pack up, and move out. He keeps His promises. He will never just "fall out of love." Marriage is a display of that! It puts the glory of Christ's covenant-keeping love on display. And He is my example. And, thankfully, He is Josh's as well.
C.S. Lewis says in Mere Christianity something about this "falling out of love." He says:
"Being in love, is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. There are many things below it, but there are also things above it. You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling. Now, no feeling can be relied on to last in its full intensity, or even to last at all...In fact, the state of being in love usually does not last...But of course ceasing to 'be in love' need not mean ceasing TO love. Love...is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by the grace which both partners ask and receive from God...They can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be 'in love' with someone else. 'Being in love' first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep their promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it."
So...when that day comes, IF it comes, I can know that I will still love and choose to love this guy. And I trust that He will too (He already puts up with WAY to much from me, Paha).
I am so thankful for my husband. Thankful that God knew five years ago when two people/kids met on a college campus, and became friends, that He had a plan for their lives. To use them for His glory to-geth-er. I like that word -- together.
And Saturday I get to eat that top tier of wedding cake. And this time, I WILL remember what it tastes like.
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